First of all, I apologize for the delay on a new post. I know my six readers are just self-destructing from the massive wait! Life just got a little crazy and once life calmed down, I was honestly just feeling painfully uninspired.
The crazy part of life I am referring to is the accident my best friend Mel and I got into on my way home from Orlando about a month ago. It was the day after being there for what was truly the best two weeks of my summer vacation so honestly, I’m still the winner here. *winks at camera*
Mel and I were on our way to grab brunch before heading to Fort Lauderdale that afternoon when a KIA decided we didn’t need food or a relaxing drive home. Long story short, we crashed into the back of this KIA and our airbags deployed, the windshield shattered and I almost pooped my pants in sheer panic. (kidding??)
Thankfully, we both walked away without a scratch. The car though? No comment. As we were waiting for the cops to show up and take our statement for nearly three hours, Mel, her boyfriend Brandon (also my dawg), and I ran for cover in Brandon’s car to escape the torrential downpour of rain that came shortly after the accident. As we were chilling in the car, calling and texting family, and simply reflecting on WHAT THE FRICK JUST HAPPENED, I started to realize the magnitude of my words in regards to telling my family and friends how much I love them.
When that airbag came out at my chest and the smoke and powder filled the car, my life truly flashed before my eyes. I wasn’t really thinking about how scared I was to die until I remembered that dying means leaving those I love behind. THAT thought hit me hard in the moment but also many days after the accident.
I think in today’s world, we are looking so far into the future that we forget about the gifts of the present. (haha gifts, presents? PUNNY!) And on the other side of the spectrum, society tells us that we have all the time in the world. Lots of time with our love ones and lots of time to tell them they are important to us. Sadly because of these mentalities, many people—myself included—do not tell their family and friends how much they truly appreciate them nearly as much as they should. In correlation to my preexisting realization that I need to step up my love game, a great friend of mine and I were discussing the cultural differences in the Indian culture she grew up in to the Werstern culture I experience. We came to the conclusion that in her culture and many others around the world they are heavily focused on constant affection and concern for one another. It is united to the point where you never doubt if people have your back because you literally feel their presence everywhere. Whatever the culture, I think that we desperately need to get back to telling people you love them more than once every six months.
Crazy enough, telling someone you love them helps YOU too! Telling them what they mean to you forces you to think about their role in your life and that alone will get you really hyped! It’s like flipping through an emotional scrapbook in your mind of that person and who doesn’t love a nice scrapbook? You know how you would want your loved ones to treat you and I KNOW I love the feeling when someone tells me how much they care about me or what place I hold in their lives. It feels so darn good, right? Then continue that trend!
There are some friends in my life that really make a point to let me know I am loved and that changes how I carry myself, how I see myself, and probably how others see me. Have you ever seen someone smiling at their phone and wondered if they were getting a sweet text from their Boo Thang or someone they love? Well that’s the visual effect of letting people you care about know you care about them. To be honest the person smiling at their phone is probably just looking at Will Smith’s Instagram page but you get my point!
I was listening to a song today called “Love Somebody” by Ta-Ku (great song, major bop! https://youtu.be/u5L4l23iavA), which gave me inspiration for this post in the sense that it reminded me of the things you do when you love somebody; One of which being actually telling that somebody you love them. Wow, what a concept! You might be the only appreciation text or concerned phone call they received all day—all week—so be there for people.
I check on my friends constantly because that’s what you do when you love somebody.
I ask my friends how their doing on a deeper level because that’s what you do when you love somebody.
I tell people they are doing a great job randomly because they need that and their greatness should never go unnoticed, but also because that’s what you do when you love somebody.
But hey, I get that sometimes it takes a lot to tell someone that you care about them. You don’t wanna come off as the gushy doofus in the friendship, or maybe you have been rejected and had your genuine loving heart blended into an emo-smoothie and are simply just not ready to let yourself be that vulnerable again. Whatever the case may be, just keep in mind that there are three things that people crave: Love, value, and acceptance. The people that you claim as your friends should reciprocate those three things in the same way you provide that for them.
The classic excuse I get from people that don't tell their friends they care about them enough is, "You should already know I love you!" Well, unfortunately its incredibly easy to forget that people love you unless you say it often. Life is too hard and is sometimes more consistent in it's negativity and pain than you are in your appreciation. Don't let life tell your friends that they are terrible more than you tell them that they are terrific! Now, there are people who genuinely just don’t really think about those in their world that much. It isn’t that they don’t love them, it just that giving affirmation and concern isn’t a natural posture for them. And to you guys, I would say this: Like anything that you want to become good at, you must practice it. So sit up, text someone and tell them you care and keep doing that until it’s a habit. (Your affectionate friends will really appreciate that fact that you took time out to tell them you appreciate them.)
I used to think that I loved too hard, but I realized, “Bayleigh, no. Unless you’re Jesus, you don’t love people enough.” That changed me because it gave me an open ended mission. A goal I will always be striving for. I can never love anyone too much so the only thing I can do is love as much as I can constantly, randomly, and freely. Don’t wait till death looks you in the eyes before you are compelled to tell people what they mean to you! You don’t have the time you think you do and quite frankly neither do they.
