Single. What does this word mean to you? Does the word even relate to you? The older I get the more I can feel society's pressure to find my "better half". It's in the music we listen to, the movies we watch, and the Netflix Originals we binge. NOTHING will let me forget that I am alone. But what if being single isn't being alone? This is a rhetorical question I have formulated to evoke some type of thought from you. Are ya thinking? Good. Society feeds us this idea that you are only your happiest self when you have someone or that somehow, you are "incomplete" without someone. These are straight lies. A poisonous array of joy-sucking fibs from the devil himself! The ideology that being single is the worst chapter of one's life ends here. I am by no means a guru on this because I still struggle with being single sometimes. I chose the word ‘pistol whip’ because we can really badly beat up the singleness blues, but that doesn’t mean it has died. Some days it stands tall, towering over us and making us feel absolutely hopeless but with there are things we can do to make sure those blues stay away and are put back in their place.
The first way I pistol whip the singleness blues into submission is by working on myself. I may ask myself questions like, "What am I looking for in someone?" "How can I be what the person I'm looking for is looking for?". Many people hop into relationships without a vision for what they need. This is not BUILD-A-BAE-WORKSHOP. You can't just make a list of wild expectations for what you want in a person if you aren't willing to become just as good or better than what you have listed. Relationships are a give and take. So what will you bring to the table? Another issue folks run into is being indecisive while already with someone. I say, have as many identity crises and realizations as it takes while you are single first.
Being single is a wonderful time to get to know yourself. Your likes, dislikes, and most importantly, your flaws. Mmmm yes, your many issues. Personally my issues include... PSYCH! I saw you perking up trying to see what makes Bay problematic. Shame on you! Flaws must be worked on without distractions because being in a relationships won't irradiate them as society and Hollywood would lead you to believe. If you never take time to not only find your insecurities, but pinpoint their origins and work at lessening their grip on your life, you will end up bringing that into the relationship. They will be Air BnB-ing and overstaying their visit in the house of your heart. Throwing house parties and littering your backyard will solo cups filled with regret. Your future partner signed up to love and support you, but if you think they signed up to be your 24-hour therapist, you are so very wrong! The demise of a potentially good relationship is when the two in it fail to deal with their insecurities while single. Both of your insecurities will just get together and make ugly, problematic babies.
If for whatever reason I feel like I know enough about myself (never true but sometimes I con myself into believing I do), I just remind myself how free I am. I remind myself how much more broke I could be. THEN I think about adding a significant other to the equation. Subtract both the freedom and ca$hflow. And boom. But alas, money and freedom don't always fill the place of affection and attention from a special someone but I then remember (and you should remember this too!) that there is a God that loves you and I more than any human has the physical capacity to. He is source of any and all love and validation we crave. Humans are hardwired to crave love but that is why God is love . The purest form. Why are you searching for the Great Value version of love when the real deal is right in front of you, Bayleigh? Because I am cómo se dice, estupido? JAJAJAJA (I love Spanish laughter... its just funnier).
Something that really helps me day to day is talking to people I trust and enjoying life with them! This is the best time to live it up with your homeboys and homegirls. I really appreciate having people in my life that I can use as a source of community and support. Remember theat rhetorical question I asked earlier, "What if being single isn't being alone"? Well here's your answer! When you have friends, family, and carbs, you are never alone! Loneliness implies isolation, whereas singleness implies realization. Realizing more about who you are and what you how you operate. Getting honest with people about our struggles with contentment and feelings of loneliness will bring so much change to the culture.
There are definitely days where I feel under attack more than ever. I might see a couples on campus in droves or I will scroll through my twitter timeline and read a tweet about the girlfriend who printed their man's face on a giant blanket or the guy who gave his girlfriend a pandora crown ring for their six month anniversary present and simultaneously gag with disgust and also get down in the dumps. It's as if the universe is mocking me! But no, there is no universe mockery just Heavenly knockery. This was a terrible preacher rhyme to explain that it is only the Lord knocking on the door of your heart, trying to draw you closer Him in times of heartache. Wow. Bars. Anywho, whenever I am bombarded with #RelationshipGoals or general blossoming of love around me, that is my cue to log off, tune out, and run. Run to what I know will help me. God first, my friends and family, and of course, my snacksssss.
Society will try to tell you there is a timeline on your life. A shot clock quickly running out. But the truth is, when you live within the will of God, those timelines and shot clocks dissolve. He is ultimately in control of that aspect of your life and would never put that feeling in your heart to love and be loved if it wasn't coming. Just sit back, relax, and cruise like you're riding in a self-driving Tesla! When the time comes, you will open those falcon doors and let the love of your life in. Just make sure its a non-defective Tesla. Don't want you running over the love of your life out here... *SKRT SKRT*!
